Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
