i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
and you fell through a lawn chair
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
