Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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