unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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