Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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