Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize