So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
