my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
