it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
it's like heaven, but drunker
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Randomize
