There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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