dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
