so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
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