The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
