tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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