Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
