a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
