The brown eye won't let me do that either.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
