i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I forgot wine drunk hurts
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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