I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
