So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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