if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
