He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
