11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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