I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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