Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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