there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
