i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
