i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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