I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
