i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
