Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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