Christians are straight up FREAKS
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
