Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
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Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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