Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
