just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
