he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
