You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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