Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
