why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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