I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
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