I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
