Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
