no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
