Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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