you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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