Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
