I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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