Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
