I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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