i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
