She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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