Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Is it penis luge time yet?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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