So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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