I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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