Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
