Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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