you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
