franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
