I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
