He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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