honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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