i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
