You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
