I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
