my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
