He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
