Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
