As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Randomize
