I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
