I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i want to swaddle you in tequila
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
