Bisexual people are plain selfish.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
