I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
