Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
