at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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