it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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