hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
