I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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