I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
