Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
