are you so shy because you have an std?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
