Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
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The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
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I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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