I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
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