i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
