The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Watching her eat just hurts me
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
