I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
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He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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