hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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