Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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