Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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