Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
How's work?
Spinning.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize