I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
