i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
