I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
